It’s Saturday. Coffee, sunshine. ooohh… a feeling to quickly type up a new journal entry. And this one will go without edits. That’s how journal entries are supposed to be, right?
Lately (and often) I’ve found myself feeling overwhelmed. It’s all about time. And making the most of everything. That’s a lot of pressure. But it’s necessary, isn’t it? To push forward, to make dreams happen. To fulfill the passions in our hearts and souls…
“To strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield.”
“If not now, then when?”
I find myself in a place that is more in sync with my new Serenata series now, than when I’d first written it…
New Painting Series by Jennifer J L Jones 2011
“My paintings are my love songs, my poems and, my novels. They are my mysteries, my questions, and my answers. They are even my confusion, my heartbreaks and my bliss. Through painting, I have discovered a “visual” voice for my heart that has evolved in to a serenade for my soul. The ‘Serenata’ series is a synthesis that represents the profound path of self-discovery and growth I experience every day and view as a continuing revelation and manifestation of my muse. My intent is that the positive energy conveyed through these paintings will be felt and promulgated by all those who see and experience them.”
The muse to fuel everything. Obviously a self-discovery path. Are we always and forever discovering ourselves? Is it a lifetime mission or is it that zen place we finally reach where we just know and find ourselves perfectly, wonderfully content no matter what?
I have to say I’m trying to embrace this time. Even though I feel at least ten years younger than I am and with a big birthday coming up, the number has made it feel like a race to figure things out before the date actually gets here. As timing and circumstances would have it, I’ve had to make some especially challenging decisions and changes in my life lately. I just have to keep telling myself though that this is the opportunity for real change. Whether I like it now or not, these things always feel better and make sense when we can look back on them from a better place we eventually reach. In which case, all of this is a blessing- for good or bad. These are the things that help us grow and shape our lives. We become more.
I also find myself looking for options for a live/work space. After visiting a few places around town so far, I haven’t seen anything just right. I find that I’m very comfortable where I’ve been, but I’m ready for change. The high-end live/work space I visualize creating my future stellar paintings in for the next few years makes me feel like quite the Goldie-Locks. It’s a hard task to find what I’m picturing in my head. The list of wants and needs for my new space is L-O-N-G. But I know I’m going to find it. Eventually. And it could mean relocating. I’ve always wanted to live in Savannah. I only wish it wasn’t such a push for time. The deadline of a lease has come up and I’m not only working on my solo exhibition for Santa Fe, but also working on commissioned paintings and getting ready for my big adventure in Italy. I’m also trying to take better care of myself in general by making more time for healthy living – it’s amazing how much time that can take. It helps me want to make the most of everything NOW.
This morning I woke up to the brilliance of sunshine and chirping birds. I think we’re all ready for Spring. My kitties are playing in the sun and watching the birds taunting them outside of the windows. It makes me happy to see how much they love the sunshine warming their fur. THEY are content. And happy.
On Saturday mornings I love carelessly putting on a movie I’ve never heard of before and listening to it in the background while I’m getting ready for studio time… The one today was called ‘One Week’ on the Sundance channel. My favorite part was the ending. I don’t mean to say it was a bad movie, but they really saved the best for last. The words just made sense to me because the flashes of satori happen to me all the time. I think it went something like this:
When you get those rare moments of clarity, those flashes when the Universe makes sense, you try desperately to hold on to them. They are the life boats for the darker times, when the vastness of it all, the incomprehensible nature of life is completely elusive. So the question becomes, or should have been all a long… What would you do if you knew you only had one day, or one week, or one month to live. What life boat would you grab on to? What secret would you tell? What band would you see? What person would you declare your love to? What wish would you fulfill? What exotic locale would you fly to for coffee? What book would you write?
The book I’m writing will take place during my month in Italy. Along with paintings and sketches and whatever else I can accomplish while I’m there. I’ve never been more ready. For all of it. Come what may. Just thinking about it leaves me eager and excited to have this new experience. A month will let me really soak into the culture. And I hope to be filled with more insight and inspiration beyond what I can already imagine. All I know is that this adventure to a foreign land couldn’t have come at a better time.